However, my spiral is a bit different form the regular "bad day". I don't get angry about everything that happens, I get sad. That sadness turns into anger, which turns into self hatred for being angry, which turns into more sadness. Again, a vicious circle. Obviously this is a common cycle for me.
It starts poorly, you wake up late, you stub your toe on your way to the bathroom, etc.
You get irritated (totally normal to get a bit annoyed.)
I get discouraged because the birds are happy, and I'm not (it doesn't even make sense, really.)
You get more irritated not only because of an inconvenience, but your growing hunger.
I get sad and decide I don't deserve to eat because the milk would have been there otherwise. (LOGIC)
You didn't get that package yet, you left your car keys in the house, you can't find your wallet, all equally agitating.
You get more aggravated because it seems like nothing is going your way.
I get even more sad because my expectations were obviously"too high". (I don't get it, Alyssa, pull yourself together.)
But then, realization strikes and I get mad, those darn birds were not my fault, having no milk was not my fault, the package's late arrival is NOT MY FAULT. I get angry. You get angry, too.
We hate everything, we hate everyone, anything can set us off. But, heres the difference.
You will spend all day being angry, or have an explosion. Then you'll feel a little better.
I reprimand myself.
I make myself feel guilty. Then, I hurl insults at myself until I'm a big ball of sad, self hating mush. Then I hate myself more for feeling this way. (my logic is the greatest of all logic.)
It can only get worse. While you feel a little better after releasing your anger, I repress mine until it becomes a rabid animal inside of me, destroying everything good in my soul. dramatization, but not really.
And that is how I end up. Forcing myself to suffer, although I did nothing wrong. Nothing.
I'm the worst.
xx
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